Ooh, the first video of Kirsten Stewart as a Twilight Vampire

March 13, 2012

Celebrity

After a bit of a lull since the last movie was released Twilight fever has again spread through the net like wildfire. The cause of the latest outbreak of vampire induced hysteria? A new teaser trailer showing Bella Swan as a fully-fledged vampire mommy has been leaked onto the net. The quality of the videos aren’t great, they were just recorded from TV screens at Breaking Dawn Part 1 DVD launch events.

The pin-up girl for awkward teenage angst and pale skin looks pretty damned striking with blood red eyes and well… even paler skin. Fans of the series will be delighted to see that Kirsten is still playing Bella with her trademark lack of any hint of emotion, unless awkwardness is an emotion.

Now some fans have been getting upset about KStew’s critics complaining about the woodenness of her acting and the lack of smiles on her face. They point to actual real photos in which you can actually see Stewart’s actual real teeth and the corners of her mouth pulled wide and in the general direction of up. However, I would have to argue that on closer inspection, these photos do not show natural genuine smiles: just look at the eyes. Those cold, dead, inhuman eyes…

Kirsten Stewart 'smiling'

Image via thegloss.com

Another photo of Kirsten Stewart 'smiling'

Image via thegloss.com

Looking at these photos I kind of wish Stewart was actually a blood drinking red-eyed fiend. That would be infinitely less frightening. Stare into her eyes for a moment and you’ll see that she is in fact a vampire, but not the blood drinking kind, oh no, she’s the kind that will drink your soul, eat your spirit for breakfast and drain the joy from your existence.

The worst thing is, she’ll not even have the decency to enjoy it or even do it in a quick, confident manner. Nope, she’d most certainly keep stopping to pull mournful looks before resuming her feeding in a painfully awkward fashion. Let me assure you, you’d be begging for death.

In other seriously disturbing news, Stewart will be appearing on screen in another major movie this summer as… Snow White. Oh the humanity! Dear god, please spare the children!

*By the way, watch the start of the Snow White trailer and tell me that the evil queen hasn’t been getting soul sucking lessons from Ms Stewart.

Are you one of Stewart’s adoring minions? Would you like to defend your master? Feel free to try in the comments box below.

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